Neilen Everstar's Year of Living Dangerously

Joined : 08 May 2007 Posts : 324

Okay, so I don't even remember why anymore, but in light of recent comic events I decided that I was going to write a fanfiction centered entirely around Neilen Everstar. I actually have a sinister alterior motive for doing this, but I'm not going to get into it. =D

Anyway, it's journal entry styled. And I'll probably do every entry in a separate post, whether I'm posting them at the same time or not, because that's just how I roll.

The title is based on a HP fanfiction that was based on a movie that was based on a book or something, but nevermind that. I chose it because it made me giggle. But just incase you've heard that somewhere before.

Also, for the record, this whole story is occuring about five years before the current Dominic Deegan storyline, so there you have it. Now ONWARD.

January 1st

Happy Anniversary, Laura, you bitch.

Anyway. Went to Erossus yesterday to celebrate. Got drunk, lost my shirt, my wallet, and my virginity. Well, only that last one if I hadn’t already gotten rid of the pesky little thing ages ago.

Needless to say, I had a really ‘great time’.

Except not really.

These random nights of debauchery are always such hollow victories. Maybe it’s because women are so damn easy. Maybe it’s because I have a history of coming back from them without a penny to my name. Bleh. Anyway, the truly tragic ending to this story is that I have to work tomorrow, so I need to sort myself out before then.

And I have a hangover.

Oh crap.

I’ve been looking around my room as I’m writing this, and I think I’ve just noticed a little problem. I think that shirt I lost was the last one in my possession. I don’t have a shirt to wear to work tomorrow. Or any money. Or any friends.

Well…damn.

This should be interesting.

Joined : 08 May 2007 Posts : 324

January 2nd

Ahahahahaha. My life is rubbish.

So, I went to work today. I was greeted by this. A smirking Spoon prancing up to me and admiring my chest. I crossed my arms and waited for the inevitable.

“My, my, Neilen. Is there a new girl around that you’re trying to impress?” Ah, Spoon. An arrogant coot as always.

“Nothing so noble, professor,” I replied, trying to head into the lab without any further commentary. He was far from finished.

“So you’ve taken a liking to coming to work shirtless then?”

“Oh, you know. Elemental Changeling. I like a breeze.”

Then it was Cassie’s turn to get in on the show. Looking adorably puzzled, she joined us in the hallway, already in her lab gear. She, too, was gawking at my chest. Goodness, I didn’t know that my physique was so appealing. Oh wait. I DID know that.

“Neilen…” she began, unsure of whether to scold me or whether to just keep being confused.

“What?” I asked, feigning a look of surprise. “You mean to tell me that it ISN’T Shirtless Monday?”

“Neilen,” she repeated dumbly. “Where’s your shirt?”

“That’s a good question,” I said. I flashed her a confident smile. My smugness is never lost. My composure is maintained.

Cassie is unimpressed.

“You can’t come into the lab without a shirt, Neilen,” she clarified quirking an eyebrow. “It’s against the work dress code, and it’s unsafe.”

“Damn,” I said.

“To be fair, Cassafinn,” Spoon added, “He had been known to take fireballs to the head completely unscathed.” I was a touched peeved at the mention of that, but I just kept grinning sedately, waiting for Cassie’s response.

“All the same, go get a shirt.” There it was.

“I don’t have any,” I said honestly. She stared at me for a moment.

“Why not?”

“That’s a long story.”

“…When are you going to get some?”

“When I get my next paycheck.”

She scrutinized me for another few moments, before shaking her head in defeat and looking exasperated.

“Then you’ll need to put on one of the lab suits in the storage room.”

Spoon suddenly beamed, which instinctively caused me to become a touched paranoid.

“Though, if I recall correctly,” the old man pointed out with a goonish grin. “We didn’t have any in his size.”

Oh riiiiight.

“Well,” Cassie said offhandedly, offering up a shrug. “It will have to do for now.” I think my smugness was actually subdued for a moment, as I inwardly groaned and proceeded to grumble.

“Yaaaaaaaaaay.”

It turned out to be a choice between either an uncomfortably small suit or an unflatteringly large suit. For a few moments I was tempted to squeeze into the small one for the sole purpose of disturbing Cassie, but after trying to get it around my thighs the concept became a bit too awkward (even for me) and I decided to go with the larger option.

It wasn’t until later than anything worth mentioning happened. It was pretty much business as usual until it was almost the end of the day, when it quieted down and we finally managed to put the fire out in one of the testing rooms. That gave me some time to stand around and idly stare at the transfiguration potions while being sure to look busy.

As luck would have it, it was then that I noticed that I kind of had to pee. Badly. Yet no, I couldn’t just go right then. Moving from that spot may make the others think I was in the mood to do more work. So I decided I was going to stand around for a few more minutes before relieving myself.

But damn, it was PERSISTANT.

Then, while I was thinking all about toilets and peeing, Spoon decided to throw a fireball at me. AGAIN. Somehow it managed to surprise me, and given my current train of thought I accidentally morphed into a puddle.

I HATE full transformations. I really do. They always managed to confuse the hell out of me. Especially when I’m not expecting them. The elements don’t like being unbalanced that way, and so when I accidentally do a complete morph into one of the four then I usually end up losing control. In this case I was probably laying around on the floor as a pool of water for a good few minutes before I managed to get a grip on myself and change back.

By that point the Orc, Spoon and Cassie had gathered round to see what had happened and probably laugh about it.

And my clothes were lying a few feet to the west.

And I was standing there nude.

Much more embarrassed than I like to allow myself to be, I immediately squatted and grabbed for my wet uniform, holding it up to cover my junk before Cassie and the Orc had a heart attack.

And Spoon was giggling like an imbecile.

At that point I’m pretty sure I screamed something like “curse you, Runcible Spoon.” The fire in me was acting up, so I couldn’t really contain myself. I’ve really got to stop saying that, though, no matter how much Spoon deserves a cursing.

Because every time I do I can see that bastard’s beady little eyes light right up.